At last...I have been wanting to do this for so long.
I have wanted to write a blog. I don't even really care if anyone reads it, I just want to write it. I have a lot to say and I finally want to say it!
This has easily been the hardest week of my entire life. On Sunday my relationship ended. I am feeling so many emotions. I feel everything from blind sided and surprised to devastated and heart broken. This was THE ONE. This was my BIG LOVE... It wasn't supposed to end with me having to say good bye! But still here I am in the process of concluding my big romance. I was so ready for this, he so wasn't... I guess there is a lot to be said for healing yourself first before presenting yourself for a new romance. So he has embarked on a healing journey and I am on a journey of mourning, making sense, picking up myself making peace and moving beyond and who knows...
I read somewhere that one has to cultivate a sense of curiosity in life. So I am going to be curious about the next phase of my life and see what life brings to my door. I have really wanted to be with my soul mate for as long as I can remember. It has been a burning desire in me to feel the warmth of true love. I am dreaming of a love that is true,uncomplicated, natural and mutual. And I know that soul mate love is looking for me too. I think I am so sad because I was so sure that I had found it. Some of my best friends say that this may be the end of the chapter but not the end of the book... Who knows?
I have agreed with myself to keep the space he left for a bit. There is a lot to learn from the pain of his absence. At some point though I will move beyond if he has not reclaimed his space. At this point I am not even sure if I would want him to. So time will have to be the teacher and the healer.
For now I know that I miss him. I know that he needs time to heal. I am giving both of us time. So after some time we will know if this was the wisest decision ever or the dumbest decision ever.
Tick-tock, tick-tock....
Everyday brings a little more peace and a little more clarity...
